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Make the effort to comprehend your ex's perspective.
Take a good, long look at all the things that are happening in his or her life and try to recognize how the relationship may have not been fulfilling or advantageous for them.
By truly understanding that your ex is not out to hurt you, but rather to find their own personal peace and happiness, may help you get through this painful event. Too many people think that the cure to the pain caused by their breakup is to 'get back together with their ex'. In actuality, the cure to their grief and their hurt is to understand and accept their ex's choices to dissolve the relationship and to find forgiveness for their ex for hurting them, and by learning to recognize their own grief triggers and working through them on their own.
INDIFFERENCE AND DISINTEREST!
Apathy does a very uncanny thing to our exes. It makes them wonder why we don't appear to care that they are no longer in our lives. Consequently, they will begin to feel quite alone, insignificant, and insecure without this acknowledgement of them, and this creates in them an emotional need to have you back in their lives, or to regain your love and acceptance once more.
ELIMINATE THE SAD SACK DEMEANOR
Stop hauling your bitter-sad life story around with you everywhere you go. Studies find that happy, smiling people are considered far more desirable to the opposite sex. Think about it - are you drawn to depressed bitter people? No! And why would your ex want to be around you if you are dragging your sack of issues with you every single time they see you? By being beautiful both inside and out and by getting rid of negativity you create a certain radiance about you that is simply irresistible. Ironically, almost all people who broke off a relationship said that the underlying cause of the breakup was simply because the other party was too demanding, depressing, needy, or miserably unhappy all the time, creating a sense of unease and stress when they were around them. Their partners no longer brought them joy.
So paint a smile on your face and show them pearly whites! No matter how wretchedly unhappy you probably feel inside at this sad time in your life try to put your grief, bitterness, and sadness aside and morph into that magnetic, radiant person that just emanates optimism and attracts people to them like moths to a light.
We know that it is hard to be happy when your whole world is turned upside down without them by your side. Most likely if your ex initiated the breakup they are handling it better than you. They know that they could probably win you back if they wanted, and they are not dealing with the pain of rejection or of abandonment as you may be. Add to this, they might be in a 'pulling away' mode, which takes some strategic actions on your side to get them to come back around to wanting to be near you and not 'away' from you. This is discussed more at Stop Ending Relationships.
DON'T LOSE CONTROL OF YOURSELF OR YOUR EMOTIONS
Negative emotions run high during a breakup. However, if you display anger, blame, shaming, or contempt you may just be reminding them of exactly why they chose to leave the relationship.
Remain neutral, calm and in control of your negative emotions. Display a true understanding, patience, charm, and sweetness. After all, you want them to see that there is quite a bit of value in being with you...
SO DISPLAY THAT YOU HAVE VALUE
Cease all the ugly begging, sobbing, pleading, and blatant hopelessness. Don't phone them, send them Hallmarks, letters or emails, or any kind of instant or text message. It will not only make you look unworthy and make you feel pathetic, it will prove to them that you truly are of absolutely no value to them. If you show your ex that you have no value without him or her, your ex will only see that you, yourself, have 'zero' value period. You will only end up making yourself appear more unattractive in his or her eyes and push them even farther away from you then they already are. Why validate to them that their decision to end the relationship was the right one, after all?
Totally, completely and truly love you with all your might, heart, and soul. Your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend will only love and respect you that much more if you truly love and respect you.
GROW, ENHANCE, IMPROVE UPON AND THEN MOVE ON
Exercise, change yourself for the better, improve your health, improve your outlook, improve your mind. Improve your attitude!
Be and look your best!
Then move on with this new you. Make them curious. Make them want to meet you all over again.
Remember, you ARE single again. So get out there and enjoy being free. There is a world of living waiting for you so have some fun!
MYSTERY IS CAPTIVATING
Part of the strategy to grow yourself involves becoming a whole new and better person - one they want to be with and one you feel good about. Once you have improved on you you want to captivate them back to you. To keep him or her captivated to you, you need to keep you hidden, obscure, and unrevealed to them. You need to keep some part of yourself forbidden territory - so completely off limits to them that they can only imagine what mysteries abound. People are mesmerized by a person's enchanting and bewitching mystery.
So, don't let the 'new-improved' you be an open book!
BE TRUE TO YOUR GENDER
Men need to learn to be more masculine and women need to learn to be more feminine. The more feminine a woman is the more manly a man feels when he is with her - and the more he will want to be with her. The more masculine a man is around a woman the more she will feel feminine when around him and the more she will desire to be with him. Stop trying to match the opposite sex thinking that you are pleasing them that way and start getting back in touch with your true identity.
Whether you curl up in a ball and watch the world pass by or you get off your arse and join it, things are going to be exactly the way they are going to be. So you might as well enjoy life. It has the added benefit of making your ex stand up and take notice of you again!
DON'T MEDDLE IN THEIR LIFE
It's none of your business and will most likely hurt you - and your chances of reuniting. Don't ask your ex's family or friends about him or her. Don't drive by their workplace. Don't give them your unsolicited advice or feedback.
Let them go and give them back to themselves. You will be much more attractive this way, and you will feel much better, too.
DON'T APPEAR BURDENSOME BY LACK OF SELF-RESPECT
As stated before, one's lack of respect in oneself is a very unattractive quality. Learn to respect yourself and do not hurt yourself by continuously placing yourself in hurtful situations. The only person you need in your life to feel good about you is you.
PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE - SO BACK OFF
Although it may have come as a surprise to you when you suddenly found yourself 'single' again, relationships do not crumble overnight. You must learn to be patient, as regaining your love back is not going to happen overnight, either.
I've learned. . . that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned. . . that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned. . . that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned. . . that you can do something in an instant that will give heartache for life.
I've learned. . . that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned. . . that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned. . . that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned. . . that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned. . . that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned. . . that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned. . . that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned. . . that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned. . . that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned. . . that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned. . . that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned. . . that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned. . . that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned. . . that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned. . . that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned. . . that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned. . . that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned. . . that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned. . . that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned. . . that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned. . . that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
I've learned. . . that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned. . . that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
1. If the office bully takes credit for your work, you:
a. Let it go but seethe within; what goes around comes around.
b. Keep mum but tell yourself that next time (s)he’s going to pay.
c. Discreetly take credit for his/hers.
2. Co-workers can be good friends.
a. Of course. They can’t?
b. Not all the time. It’s better to maintain a line between the personal and professional.
c. They’re good to your face, but backstabbers otherwise.
3. The office bully dumps his/her work on you. You:
a. Stay overtime and complete it.
b. Do it during your commute or at home, but you’re not going to be caught dead doing it at workplace.
c. Say “No!” and fake a nervous breakdown.
4. Have you ever shed tears at the workplace?
a. Yes, in the loo when no one was watching.
c. A few crocodile tears, to get my way.
5. When you learn that the office bully’s spreading a malicious (untrue) rumour about you, you:
a. Swear it’s untrue to your close colleagues; you can count on them to spread the word.
b. Turn into a brick wall and pretend it doesn’t affect you.
c. Start an equally malicious one about him/her.
Mostly As: You’re scared of being bullied. Unfortunately, you were probably bullied as a child. It’s high time you outgrew your fear. That alone will get your bully to find a new target.
Mostly Bs: You’re scared of being bullied but too scared to admit it to yourself. Putting on a brave front while trembling within isn’t the best POA to deal with a bully. Either ignore them without getting all bitter within, or give them a taste of their own bitter medicine.
Mostly Cs: No bully can touch you. Wait... you haven’t been bullying people around yourself, have you?
You see, when we were young we saw the world through simple, hopeful eyes. We knew what we wanted and we had no biases or concealed agendas. We liked people who smiled. We avoided people who frowned. We ate when we were hungry, drank when we were thirsty, and slept when we were tired.
As we grew older our minds became gradually disillusioned by negative external influences. At some point we began to hesitate and question our instincts. When a new obstacle or growing pain arose, we stumbled and a fell down. This happened several times. Eventually we decided we didn’t want to fall again, but rather than solving the problem that caused us to fall, we avoided it all together.
As a result, we ate comfort food and drank alcohol to numb our wounds and fill our voids. We worked late nights on purpose to avoid unresolved conflicts at home. We started holding grudges, playing mind games, and subtly deceiving others and ourselves to get ahead. And when it didn’t work out, we lived above our means, bought things we didn’t need, and ate and drank some more just to make ourselves feel better again.
Over the course of time, we made our lives more and more difficult, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need.
So let’s get back to the basics, shall we? Let’s make things simple again. It’s easy. Here are 60 ways to do just that:
- Don’t try to read other people’s minds. Don’t make other people try to read yours. Communicate.
- Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
- Your health is your life, keep up with it. Get an annual physical check-up.
- Live below your means. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need. Always sleep on big purchases. Create a budget and savings plan and stick to both of them.
- Get enough sleep every night. An exhausted mind is rarely productive.
- Get up 30 minutes earlier so you don’t have to rush around like a mad man. That 30 minutes will help you avoid speeding tickets, tardiness, and other unnecessary headaches.
- Get off your high horse, talk it out, shake hands or hug, and move on.
- Don’t waste your time on jealously. The only person you’re competing against is yourself.
- Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps. Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
- Organize your living space and working space. Read David Allen’s book Getting Things Done for some practical organizational guidance.
- Get rid of stuff you don’t use.
- Ask someone if you aren’t sure.
- Spend a little time now learning a time-saving trick or shortcut that you can use over and over again in the future.
- Don’t try to please everyone. Just do what you know is right.
- Don’t drink alcohol or consume recreational drugs when you’re mad or sad. Take a jog instead.
- Be sure to pay your bills on time.
- Fill up your gas tank on the way home, not in the morning when you’re in a hurry.
- Use technology to automate tasks.
- Handle important two-minute tasks immediately.
- Relocate closer to your place of employment.
- Don’t steal.
- Always be honest with yourself and others.
- Say “I love you” to your loved ones as often as possible.
- Single-task. Do one thing at a time and give it all you got.
- Finish one project before you start another.
- Be yourself.
- When traveling, pack light. Don’t bring it unless you absolutely must.
- Clean up after yourself. Don’t put it off until later.
- Learn to cook, and cook.
- Make a weekly (healthy) menu, and shop for only the items you need.
- Consider buying and cooking food in bulk. If you make a large portion of something on Sunday, you can eat leftovers several times during the week without spending more time cooking.
- Stay out of other people’s drama. And don’t needlessly create your own.
- Buy things with cash.
- Maintain your car, home, and other personal belongings you rely on.
- Smile often, even to complete strangers.
- If you hate doing it, stop it.
- Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.
- Apologize when you should.
- Write things down.
- Be curious. Don’t be scared to learn something new.
- Explore new ideas and opportunities often.
- Don’t be shy. Network with people. Meet new people.
- Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you.
- Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
- Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive.
- Drink water when you’re thirsty.
- Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.
- Exercise every day. Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.
- Let go of things you can’t change. Concentrate on things you can.
- Find hard work you actually enjoy doing.
- Realize that the harder you work, the luckier you will become.
- Follow your heart. Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.
- Set priorities for yourself and act accordingly.
- Take it slow and add up all your small victories.
- However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. Accept this simple fact.
- Excel at what you do. Otherwise you’ll just frustrate yourself.
- Mature, but don’t grow up too fast.
- Realize that you’re never quite as right as you think you are.
- Build something or do something that makes you proud.
- Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.
Oh, and enjoy life’s simple pleasures. They’re free and better than anything money can buy.
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